In my 25 years of leading people, one lesson I learn over and over is never to react with emotion to any of these events. How do I do it?
Although I am not a religious person, I use a variation of the idea from Ecclesiastes 3:1 (also set set to music in 1952 by Pete Seeger in his song 'Turn!, Turn!, Turn!') "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven".
The IT version is "To every thing there is a process which will resolve every problem under the heaven".
A conflict with a customer - try a kind email. If that does not work, meet face to face. If that does not work, ask your governance committees to consider the issue and develop a compromise that serves all stakeholders.
A conflict with an employee - try a kind email. If that does not work, meet face to face. If that does not work, involve HR.
A conflict with a colleague - try a kind email. If that does not work, go to lunch. If that does not work, escalate to senior management.
A conflict with senior management - try a kind email. If that does not work, meet face to face. If that does not work, ask the CEO. If that does not work, realize that eventually all senior managers move on and through kindness and the support of your stakeholders, you will outlast your naysayers.
Why is the life of a CIO filled with conflict and emotion? Demand for IT increases exponentially but IT budgets increase linearly (about 3-4% per year if you're lucky). Competition for resources creates conflict and conflict creates emotion.
Every day I receive hostile email, negative phone calls, and political challenges from various customers, employees, and colleagues. As I've said before, if I ever feel emotion, I "save as draft".
I always respond with a positive email, phone call or meeting suggesting a path forward.
If I were to ever respond emotionally, I would be burning bridges or giving my naysayers documentation to use against me. Healthcare is a small world. Healthcare IT is an even smaller world. The person who you alienate today may be your boss tomorrow. The person who you insult may be the decision maker on your next grant or promotion.
In a world of IM and Blackberry, we're all tempted to resolve complex issues with a few keystrokes. Generally that does not work. A supportive, positive email followed by a face to face meeting generally does work. Even if you feel the person emailing you is completely unreasonable, do not EVER react with emotion. It can only hurt you.
In addition to my credo that "to every thing there is a process", I also realize that time heals all conflict.
Can you even remember the problems that made you angry one year ago?
Are the people who caused the issue still around?
Does anyone remember the conflict and frustration?
Probably not. Will history record the masterful way you dealt with the conflict. Nope. If you reacted emotionally, will someone have a copy of that email filled with vitriol that you'd rather not see again. Absolutely.
It may take days or weeks to solve complex problems. An emotional email will only make the problem harder to solve.
Recognizing that solving complex problems will take several iterations, you need to accept the multi-step process needed to ensure you get a good outcome.
My previous blogs on related topics are helpful to removing the emotion from IT. See:
Management Lessons Learned as a Parent
How to be a bad CIO
How to be a great boss